Why I started Fully Here.

In February of 2024, I was standing in a Fayetteville apartment holding my wife after she showed me a pregnancy test. I gave her a hug. Kissed her on the head. And underneath all of it, I felt almost nothing.

Not because I didn’t want the baby. I did. But the wanting was so large it shut my system down. I stood there and froze, and then I spent the next several weeks wondering if that meant something was wrong with me.

I went looking for something to read about what was happening inside me. Not what to expect from her body. What was happening in mine. The panic about money. The moments I caught myself being short with people I loved. The strange grief over a life I hadn’t lost yet but could already feel changing.

What I found, mostly, was written for her.

Books about her body. Guides about strollers. Cheerful reassurance that sounded nothing like what I was actually going through. What I couldn’t find was someone willing to name the numbness without treating it like evidence that something was wrong with me.

So I wrote it.

It became a book. Forty weeks of it, one week at a time. The first three weeks are free to read, and they are the same pages that are in the book. For men in the middle of becoming a father before they feel like one.